Mindful Self-Compassion in Grief

I haven’t written a blog in several months.  Earlier this summer, I suffered the loss of my mother and for several months both before and following her death I had difficulty sorting my feelings out.  I’ve been using self-compassionate practices at every step along the way and I believe that these helped to sustain me.

A few weeks ago I went to a silent meditation retreat.   I was a little nervous prior to going knowing that I would be alone with my feelings of grief with very little distraction.  I worried that I would be flooded and overwhelmed with my emotions.  It actually turned out to be a lovely gentle experience and helped me to clarify some of the deeper thoughts and fears that underlie some of the emotion.

After one particular meditation, I uncovered that I was very sad that I had lost my biggest cheer leader;  the one who offered words of encouragement, kindness and sympathy whenever I was suffering. Although my mother was 92 and we hadn’t lived together for decades, in a very real sense she was still the one I turned to in times of trouble, she loved me unconditionally and would offer words of comfort whenever I suffered a setback.

In Mindful Self-Compassion practice, whenever we recognize that we are suffering we ask ourselves “What do I need?”  I realized that what I needed most in that moment was reassurance.  I started meditating using the mantra “I love you and I will take care of you”.  Using this phrase has caused a shift in my day to day life.  For the last several months I had been eating badly, not exercising and felt very sluggish, something I attributed to the effects of my grief.  Once I started the mantra it was like my higher self sprung into action; I suddenly had more energy and motivation to eat better and start moving.  I started taking better care of myself.  It’s okay, no matter what happens I will be there for myself.  I just needed to hear myself say it.
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With kindness, Patricia