So Easy to Say…

 I’m starting to get known as a bit of a self-compassion expert.   I teach Mindful Self Compassion, I recommend the books and videos by Kristin Neff and Christopher Germer; and when I spot someone being really hard on themselves, I have a tough time holding back the suggestion to try self- kindness.  Does this mean that I am always kind to myself – heck no!  I believe that I am on a journey to become kinder to myself and like all journeys, sometimes I’m moving forward and other times I’m sliding backwards.  A few times this summer I have recognized that I have been taking some backwards steps.  I’ve been struggling to lose some unwanted extra pounds and I find it very difficult to be kind about this.  I have noticed the shock register on the faces of my friends when I said some self-critical comments about my weight.  “That’s not very self-compassionate” they remind me.  This is an old pattern for me – anger towards myself for lack of discipline.  Truth is I find it very hard to be kind when I am feeling frustrated with myself.  Then I remembered – the only pre–requisite for self-compassion is that there is suffering and you notice it.  So instead of trying to stop the harsh self-talk, I can be compassionate because I recognize that it is so hard to feel frustrated and to fall short of my own expectations.  This represents a very subtle shift.  In my example, it shifts the effort from trying to forcibly change my habitual thoughts - to one where I accept my feelings of disappointment and wrap them in warm embrace of compassion.    Give it a try – and see if you can find a different way to apply the salve of compassion!  With Kindness, Patricia